Sunday, March 1, 2009

Fuck you, Missouri!

So. We survived the weekend (for the most part). Friday afternoon, we got the lease signed. Redhead was a wee bit ticked about having to pay a $100 non-refundable pet deposit for the cat. Oh no! $100! The world is coming to an end!

Until Former Roomie informed him that they were having to pay a $400 pet deposit for their idiot dog. Whom I glad I never have to see again. *happy sigh*

That, and it's better than the landlord stopping buy to pick up rent one month and seeing the cat, and... Hey, wait, you didn't pay a pet deposit... you lied about having pets... default on your lease!

So, yeah, a hundred bucks. Not that bad, all things considered.

Anyway. Redhead had to work until 3:30, so we set up an appointment to sign the lease at 4. Roomie had to be at work at 4. Huh. How are we gonna pull this off?

Oh yeah! Drop a text to the ever-faithful Marcus, our circle's Guitar Guru and generally all-around awesome party d00d (who still hates us because we were front row for Metallica, whereas he was way up on the 17th row... and Redhead and I got to shake James Hetfield's hand... never mind, I can see why he wants to punch me in the vagina on some days), because Marcus was recently laid off from the biggest factory in town, and he has a truck! Hooray Marcus! You saved the day! My hero!


I spent Thursday and Friday both doing laundry, and folding it, and generally attempting to pack. Didn't go over so well. So, about an hour before Redhead got off work, Marcus came over with his bubbly personality (and very pretty, I'm so jealous of the bitch) girlfriend, Dez. Whom I do adore, don't get me wrong. I'm just jealous because her face has the natural beauty that mine lacks. Damn her! Where was I? ... Oh yeah. Packing. Marcus and Dez came over and they helped me pile stuff in boxes.

Then came time to run pick up Redhead. Quick stop by the store to get certain necessary items (like a shower rod and curtain, because Redhead always showers as soon as he gets home), then we picked the Redhead up. Signed the lease. Got the keys. Dropped him back off at work because he had a safety meeting at 4:30. He was cranky about the pet deposit, but after he told me "You owe me" and I got a text saying "I hate my life", and I snapped it off in his ass as far as money issues goes... he settled down. To the new apartment we went, which I unlocked, showed to Marcus (Dez stayed back at the old place because there wasn't enough room), pulled in the first load, and back to the old place we went.


Ninja showed up while we were all sitting around taking a breather, and kept me company when Marcus and Dez ran to go get some quick food. Never say that your goofy friends who don't pay attention to anything don't care. The second they realized Preggo Lady hadn't eaten all day, off they went!

They came back, we loaded up the final load of small stuff, and back to the apartment. Redhead was off work. Ninja carried more people in his car than Marcus' truck could, and more comfortably, so we followed in the Cadillac.

So we had Marcus, Dez, Ninja, and Phace, who we somehow picked up along the way, but I don't remember when. Plenty of people to help move shit in. Cue insanity!

But it all went really rodeo when Phace brought the TV in. One of the A/V cables was still plugged into the back of the TV. I did not realize this. Phace stepped on it while going up the front walk. The cord yanked out, the peg broke off in the plug in the back of the TV.

Redhead went nuts. "It's ruined now! It's useless! Might as well throw the fucking thing out in the street!" I ignored him and went back out for another box. I came back inside to discover... him kicking the TV. Apparently, he was hell-bent to break it. Only cracked the plastic casing, though.

At some point, everybody ran out of cigarettes. So Redhead and Marcus went to the gas station to buy some. Marcus asked me if I needed anything, to which I barely heard Redhead reply, "I'm not buying her a fucking thing." She's got her own money, dude... "Yeah, and I gave it to her. Ungrateful bitch." Twitch... twitch... Don't kill him... have no place to hide the body... Can't get away with it in this town...

His mood swings really annoy me. His over-dramatization... it's a wonder I haven't killed him yet! Me, being me, and knowing how close I was to giving him a black eye (be proud of me, I haven't done it yet), I went for a walk. Down to the gas station, buy a soda. Call Ducky! Ducky-Mom always makes me feel better. And she did, of course, by offering to buy me kitchen stuff of my very own and making snide comments about my boyfriend's manhood.

I love my mother.

While on the phone with Ducky, I got a text from him, wondering where I was. Must have calmed down. Still not going home, though! Screw that noise. I told my mother about the TV, too. "What a dipshit. All he needs is a coaxial cable, it'll do the exact same thing as the A/Vs. Now you have permission to beat his ass, for just being stupid."

Thank you, Mommy Dearest! Why didn't I think of that? But oh well, time for me to get back to the apartment. It's cold out, and I'm only wearing a hoodie. Not enough to keep my assets warm.

I walk in to the apartment, and they have music playing on his phone, sitting around in a circle, smoking. Okay. Everybody seems for the most part calm. Marcus and Dez are laughing, Ninja and Pat have gone... somewhere, who knows. Dez needs to go home for something, her mom called. Marcus goes to take her home and says he'll come back for me. I tell Redhead about the coaxial cable.

Bad mood instantly gone. "Um. Honey. I told you the TV wasn't ruined to begin with." Didn't hear me. His TV will still be usable! Hooray!

Marcus texts to say he's on his way back over, so we can go get the last load of stuff from the old place. Namely, the bed, the cat, and the bathroom stuff that I completely spaced and forgot to pack. Redhead informs me that a friend of ours a few blocks away has a bottle of booze that he wants to gift to us. Housewarming party, anyone, and would Marcus and I mind going to pick it up? No problem. If he's in a good mood, I'm down. Too bad I can't drink. Muttermumbleassholepregnancymutter....

So, Marcus picks me up. We drive a few blocks. I climb three flights of stairs (What fat black man in his right mind lives on the third floor, and makes a pregnant woman climb all the way up to the top?!), get the bottle, stand for a minute and chitchat because I haven't seen the Token Black Friend in forever (and yes, I did just call him my Token Black Friend), back down the stairs, into the truck with Marcus, and back on the way to the apartment. Get to the end of the street, stop at the sign, go to turn left... and the truck lurches forward, wheels grinding, but not turning.

Marcus: "What the fuck?!?!"
Me: "I told you your truck was a piece of shit, dude. What the fuck is wrong with it?!"

Jack into reverse, back up (on the wrong side of the road, no less), and get out to examine. One wheel was turning faithfully to the left, and the other... was not. What the shit? But they both turned fine in reverse.

Me: "Uh, Marcus. I think you have a problem. The truck ain't going anywhere. You got a license?" Nod. "The truck insured?" Nod. "Any warrants out for your arrest?" Shake. "Okay, then call the cops, let them know what's going on. I don't want this thing getting hit, or you getting hurt. It is, after all, Friday night, and you are kinda parked on the wrong side of the road. I'm gonna walk back to the apartment, because the cops would frown on a couple of minors in possession of a bottle of tequila."

Yeah, we're delinquents. What of it? Not like I was drinking any of the stuff. Start hoofing it the three, maybe four blocks back to the apartment. And it was COLD.

Got back to the pad, and Ninja had reappeared. But there was no way our bed would fit in the back of his Cadillac. Not happening. When all else fails, call Roomie! He just got off work, and our bed WILL fit in the back of his SUV. Hooray!

Ninja held down the fort while we went and got everything, Ping included. Ping still hates car rides. By the time we got back, Marcus had reappeared, with Dez, complaining about having to pay fifty bucks to have his twenty-year-old piece-of-crap truck towed. Poor thing. But we were grateful for his help nonetheless. Roomie also busted out his little tool box and pulled the plastic casing off the TV to show Redhead... look at that, it's fixed. I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T COMPLETELY DESTROYED!

Just because I have a vagina does not automatically mean I don't know anything.

We set the TV and the PA system up, plugged the laptop in, and started playing music. And they started drinking. Whoo!

I don't remember when, but at some point Ninja took Marcus and Dez home, and I passed out. Redhead ended up going up to Country Kitchen. All in all, the night was a success.

Saturday morning blew chunks, though. Woke up with six inches of snow on the ground, and more falling.

WHAT THE FUCK?! It's the end of February, March 1st is the following day, and we're getting the first (and hopefully only) heavy snowfall of the season NOW?!?!

By the end of the day, we had almost a foot of snow on the front sidewalk. Roomie had taken me to WalMart to buy a few necessary items (like food and drink, and some paper plates and plastic cups to use until WalMart had my order of site-to-store dishes, glasses, silverware, and cookware that my mother ordered). Marcus, Dez, Ninja, and Phace all showed up again, this time carting the XBox, and a good time was had by all.

And now, I'm just hanging out, basking in the glory of having a new place, MY FIRST, all to myself. Redhead is asleep, Ping is curled up next to me, and I have several episodes of House, MD, calling my name.

But worry not. The next blog post will not be such drivel as this one was. I'll be talking about differences in lifestyles, mainly as the result of a real in-depth almost-interview with a friend of mine who, while married and with four little ones, is hiding out from her family... and the cult that raised her.

Tune in next time! Same Snark time, same Snark channel.

No comments:

Post a Comment