Sunday, June 28, 2009

Parenting Strikes Me

So, I guess this does officially make me a mother, albeit a new one.

I woke up crying this morning from a bad dream. All centered around Daniel.

I don't know how or why or whatever, but in this dream, for some reason, the state mandated that I give my son up to a couple who couldn't have kids. The woman said to me in a snide voice, "Don't worry, we'll take care of him," as if implying I didn't, and I came unglued. I threw things, I sobbed, I screamed, and I tried to claw the bitch's eyes out when she reached out to pick MY baby up.

When I woke up in tears, I immediately busted my ass to his crib to see him peacefully sleeping, and I just had to pick him up and hold him for an hour.

Thank god neither him nor the Redhead woke up to see me like that.

So. Fucking. Scared.

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