Parenting Strikes Me

So, I guess this does officially make me a mother, albeit a new one.

I woke up crying this morning from a bad dream. All centered around Daniel.

I don't know how or why or whatever, but in this dream, for some reason, the state mandated that I give my son up to a couple who couldn't have kids. The woman said to me in a snide voice, "Don't worry, we'll take care of him," as if implying I didn't, and I came unglued. I threw things, I sobbed, I screamed, and I tried to claw the bitch's eyes out when she reached out to pick MY baby up.

When I woke up in tears, I immediately busted my ass to his crib to see him peacefully sleeping, and I just had to pick him up and hold him for an hour.

Thank god neither him nor the Redhead woke up to see me like that.

So. Fucking. Scared.

The Conspiracy

So, thanks to a handful of the bloggers I read, I have let myself into the Gunblogger Conspiracy chat. It's an interesting little corner of the internet.

Filled with fucking NUTCASES.

But it's great. Good way to waste... going on four hours now.


I've struck up a tentative friendship with Unix-Jedi.

I fainted when Breda logged in the first time.

Jay identified me and posted a link to my little blog. How sweet.

I want to cuddle with FarmGirl.

And...

AHAB! SHUT THE FUCK UP! Seriously dude. Just. Stop. Talking.

And quit buying bad meth. Srsly.

Scarlet Whore'Hara, Pt. Deux

I'm gonna blow this piece of shit up, I swear to god.

Replaced the battery cables. Still stalls occasionally, still lurches. Took it to Autozone and they plugged a computer into it... Both the O2 sensors are bad in it. Those need to be replaced, because if you let them go too long, it'll start to fuck with your gas mileage and clog up your catalytic converter.

Well the gas mileage started to go to shit... Then we tried to drive to Harrisonville this past Saturday. Got halfway there, it stalled out and then... It didn't want to get above twenty miles an hour.

WTF OVER??!

It struggled to get up to 65 as far as we went, so I didn't push it. I just tried to maintain that steady 65.

We got to a gas station that's pretty much the halfway point between our place and Redhead's Mom. Called her, and her and her slightly mechanically-inclined boyfriend came out and had a look. While Mom cooed over Daniel, her boyfriend Rich popped the hood and started the van to have a look and a listen.

There was a very serious knocking noise. We're good on oil, but it's knocking like a motherfucker all the damned time.

"Your lifters are knocking. That could cost up to about $1,300 to fix."

I don't have that kind of money! Not to mention the damned thing isn't worth that much.

Well, for sale signs went up on it the next day, complete with an ad on Craigslist. There's a guy just outside of town that buys cars, fixes them up, and sells them out again. Took it out there today, he looked at it and took it for a spin, came back... The catalytic converter is already clogged up, that's why it can't get any speed.

Those damned O2 sensors started it all. Oh yeah, and I have metal in my oil. It's getting an oil change tomorrow, and also Marcus is gonna come over and we're gonna see what we can do about the catalytic converter.

It probably won't be bought for a while, and my financial aid won't come in til the middle of August...

What are we gonna do til then, though?